


The Last Moments of Peace Before War

by TWDObsessive



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Demisexuality, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Feels, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-02-04
Packaged: 2018-09-21 10:43:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9544751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TWDObsessive/pseuds/TWDObsessive
Summary: The first night after the band is back together, Rick and Daryl separately think about their evolving relationship.  Then stuff and thangs.





	1. Chapter One- Daryl POV

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry I haven't been posting much! Real life is kicking my ass. But hopefully this short chaptered fic will be something to tide folks over until my next bigger fic.
> 
> Thanks as always to the remarkable Stylepoints for the beta!

The sun is settin’ over Hilltop and I took watch cause I ain't seen day dying into night for weeks. Ain't had fresh air in my lungs. Nothin’ but that tiny room they kept me in, dog food, a constant state of humiliation and an occasional ass-kicking. I need the fresh air and the privacy of watch… and I just need time. Seeing everyone again was more emotional than a Dixon would like to admit. The relief was enough to bring me to tears. I’d been so worried about Carl after seeing him at the sanctuary. I came close to making bad decisions to try to protect him several times, but the flash of Glenn meeting Lucille kept stopping me cold. I couldn’t be reactionary anymore, couldn’t play offense, couldn’t let my anger drive me. 

I’d been worried about Maggie. Last I’d seen her she was pale and near dead. Worried ‘bout everyone really after what we all seen, what we had to live through. Worried about everyone seein’ _me_ since it was me that got Glenn killed. That bat should have been mine. I earned it, I deserved it. And making me survive that night was worse than anything my Pa ever done to me and I never thought that’d be possible in my lifetime. But ain’t nobody else sees Glenn’s life on my head but me. I’ll carry it forever, don’t need to be reminded. But nobody seemed to even make the connection between my actions and Glenn’s death. Well, nobody but me. 

Most of all, I’d been worried about Rick. When I was in Alexandria, still being Negan’s prisoner, he looked so… damaged, so lost, so not-Rick. And when he asked to be able to keep me, I was speechless. For two reasons really- One- I wasn’t gonna give Negan the pleasure of my pleadin’. I knew enough by then and there was no way in hell he was going to let me go. And Two- I have never had anyone want me. And the sound in Rick’s voice, the look in his eyes… he wanted me to stay. He wanted my company and my friendship and… he missed me. No one has ever missed a Dixon.

Thinkin’ ‘bout Rick got me through some long days locked up in that cell. Thinkin’ ‘bout how we started out, me frothin’ and spittin’ at ‘im for leavin’ my brother. Then respecting the hell out of him for going back to Atlanta with me after he just found his own damn family. We fought together, hunted together, searched together. We shivered together and starved together and celebrated each small success together. 

At the prison, I thought I’d lost him. Thought we all had, but Rick...he’s strong. He might bend a bit but he don’t break completely. He pulled out of his grief, just needed time and understanding. And then later on when we was all ‘bout ready to give up and die after Beth… he stayed strong and kept us moving, hoping, pushing. And I followed him. We all did. 

But the thing is… I _always_ follow Rick. I don’t remember a time I didn’t leap to my feet if he needed anything. Don’t remember a time I didn’t put myself in his line of danger to keep him alive. I think maybe I known a while that he… wanted this _friendship_ same as I wanted his.

The sky is pinks and purples and the evening air is a little chilly but I welcome it. I welcome my freedom again. We got a lot to talk about after regrouping today at Hilltop, lot to think about and we’ll reconvene to discuss it all in the morning. Funny thing is, though... I ain’t thinkin’ ‘bout Negan or revenge or survival or no plans for attack. I’m thinkin’ ‘bout Rick. Because he _wanted_ me back from Negan. He begged for me. He looked wounded at the sight of me leaving and when I saw him today and tried to be the tough Dixon everyone knew, just a nod of my chin for a greeting… he knew. He knew I needed his arms around me and his warmth and his whisper against my ear makin’ sure I’s okay. The feel of his hands around me, fingers in my hair, a hand tight on my neck pulling me close… No one’s ever loved a Dixon. Ain’t no one never loved Merle that’s for sure. And Pa? Hell Momma didn’t even love him. And none of them loved me. Merle tried to in his own way but … this thing with Rick? I don’t know what to think of it.

I love Rick. That’s easy enough to admit. And I think I even believe it’s real that he loves me back. But is it just ‘we’re fighting on the same team’ love? Or is it more? Because my body ain’t never felt so right as it did in Rick’s embrace and that ain’t somethin’ I expected. As the stars start to twinkle against the darkening sky I find myself trying to figure out what it all means. What did that hug mean? It was so gentle and loving and his soft words were so comforting and I wanted to climb into his lap and cry while he kept running fingers through my hair and that shit ain’t very Dixon-like. I wanted him to press a kiss to my temple. Maybe I wanted him to just flat out kiss me full on the mouth so I could taste his strength and his love but that don’t make no sense cause I ain’t never wanted that from no one. 

In the old days at the prison, I liked to be on watch alone in the quiet of the night- privacy, peace. But that ain’t me no more. I don’t like bein’ alone. I wish Rick were with me whether it was for talkin’ or just for sittin’ together quiet. Or maybe I want to be where Rick is instead- stretched out on a bed getting some much needed rest. I want to be next to him, for warmth, for comfort, to be reminded that he’s really here and he’s okay and he … he cares about me. Feel him brush fingers through my hair again and whisper words that I didn’t never think no one would ever say to a Dixon like me. I thought about it again- seeing him. The look in his eyes, the feel of his body, the tickle of his breath as he whispered to me.

_Daryl, you okay?_

And I nodded as he continued... 

_I love you so much. You have no idea how much I missed you._

How much, I wonder. How much?


	2. Chapter Two- Rick POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interesting tidbit- this was originally a one shot that ended where I stopped Chapter One. If you all end up liking this fic you have my beta, Stylepoints to thank. After she read chap one as a stand alone she very politely said "No. finish it."
> 
> I was in a writing funk and really needed that push. So much thanks to Style!
> 
> Now time for Rick's POV...

When I walked back to Hilltop to talk to Maggie with the rest of our family I had one thing in mind. Daryl. He was my priority, my motivation, the reason I’d barely been able to breathe for so many weeks. Without him beside me I was lost. He’d somehow become my north star over the years and I was frozen in fear without him. I didn’t want to make a wrong move and have Negan feed him to Lucille. Daryl _is_ my right hand… and my left and everything in between. He is the air in my lungs and that’s why I felt like I was suffocating while he was away. 

I look out the window of the room in Barrington House where I’m sleeping for the night and tilt my head to see if I can get a view of the towers at the main gate. Daryl had volunteered to act as sentry. Of course he did. Because Daryl volunteers for everything. I can see his silhouette against the setting sun and I watch quietly and wonder which is more beautiful. The pinks and oranges of the dimming day or those broad shoulders and that shy posture. I don’t have to wonder for long.

When we first met it was not under ideal circumstances. But it didn’t take long for the animosity to shift towards the dedication to a common goal… to keep the group of survivors we ended up with alive. As time passed, it became harder and harder for me to remember a time when Daryl wasn’t a part of me, walking by my side, looking at me with subtle nods that only I could translate into words and meaning. He became my friend, my family, my brother. But he’s more than that.

When I saw Negan prancing him around Alexandria, that’s when I figured it out. That look Daryl gave me, lashes fluttering and the passion in those eyes, - it felt like a warm hug. I knew it wasn’t going to help my position to beg or ask anything of Negan but it fell out of my mouth before I could even consider how much more submissive it made me look. Negan already owned me. Owned all of us. But I _did_ ask. I wanted Daryl back so damn bad. They could have all the food and weapons and supplies they wanted. They could take the clothes off my back. I just wanted to wrap my arms around Daryl and bring him back to our home in Alexandria. 

The larger group of us had split into several houses as time passed in Alexandria but Daryl stayed with me, Carl, and Judy and no one ever questioned why. Not even me. I was just glad to see him return home each night and happy to spend time with him that wasn’t on runs or hunting or fighting for our lives. I would never have imagined the man who wanted to kill me thirty seconds into meeting me, now looked forward to evenings sitting together laughing and talking while he attempted to teach me how to play chess. Never thought he’d go from angry redneck to my baby daughter’s doting uncle.

I keep my eyes on him as the color bleeds out of the sky. He doesn’t move a muscle, his hunter’s patience is an incredible asset in the zombie apocalypse. I remember the day we found out about Hilltop. We’d been on a run that was more like Bill & Ted’s pathetic adventure than Rick and Daryl providing for the community. We’d met Jesus that day. Despite the mishaps and the loss of one hell of a goldmine in that truck… it was a fun day. Me and my best friend. I felt happy that day, felt happy with Daryl.

Daryl, as Daryl always does, offered to keep watch over our “guest” that night so I had to go back home alone with a swirl of new emotions just starting in my belly, anticipation like caterpillars in cocoons waiting to be free. I knew I’d long since loved him more than a normal friendship, but I’d started to wonder finally if it was something that could actually happen.

Michonne was watching the kids that night and she was there on the couch when I got home and my emotions were wild and confused. As I kissed her, I was thinking about Daryl. I was exhausted but still tasted guilt as we gently kissed and moved hands and bodies searching for something, anything, that might take the sting out of the world we lived in. I regret that night. Not that Daryl and I had anything, but it felt like cheating. I was not kissing the right lips, I was not touching the right body and I was not lying with the right person. Michonne is very dear to me. All of this family is. But waking up the way we did and Daryl looking on so surprised… It broke my heart. I can read Daryl. We haven’t needed words now for years. He was disappointed that I had something with one of the others that I wouldn’t have with him. 

He felt rejected for reasons he couldn’t even understand. I could read that on him as easily as reading the top line of an optometrist’s chart. A man like Daryl would never think he would have a chance at what he wanted. But I felt fairly certain Daryl was reciprocating my feelings that morning. In fact, Michonne felt fairly certain about it too. She’s the one who first gave voice to my love for Daryl. She told me she saw it that morning and that she understood what happened between her and I was just something nice to let off steam. I felt like a complete asshole. But she hugged me and kissed me on the cheek and told me that Daryl needed me more than she did, a feisty grin on her face to show me she wasn’t feeling hurt or rejected at all. 

I watch as Daryl stands and stretches his legs in the dim starlight. I’d be willing to bet my Colt Python that he wasn’t making a sound as he moved. He was as quiet as any other predator in the wild. I meant what I told him earlier and I wondered if he understood the enormity of what I was trying to say to him. When I saw him come around that corner I wanted to cry. But I’d been crying too damn much lately and I needed to be the strong one, because it only took a second for me to see that Daryl was the one who needed to release some tears. He tried to dip his head in a greeting as if just laying eyes on one another was all he needed but the very next second he was leaning towards me as I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him close, my hands in his hair and a smell I recognized so well- evergreens, dirt, sunshine and loyalty, a smell that was so uniquely Daryl. 

The sound of an actual stifled sob from this man shook me to my core. His body was tight to mine like he wanted that physical contact as badly as I did. Those caterpillars finally started to emerge from their chrysalis in my belly and I felt like a high-schooler at a dance with the person I’d had my eye on all year. 

_Daryl, you okay?_ I whispered, his strands of hair tickling my lips as I asked the question into the crook of his neck.

He nodded as I continued.

_I love you so much. You have no idea how much I missed you._

He stopped the heavy breaths of fighting off tears, in fact, I think he held his breath completely. I could sense questions in the feel of his hands wrapped around my back. When we parted he awkwardly handed me back my gun like a shy child trying to impress a teacher with a shiny apple. And I wondered if he really understood what I was trying to tell him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter the boys will turn these thoughts into a conversation.


	3. Chapter Three- Rick's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to Stylepoints for the beta!
> 
> This is Rick's POV again. And chapter four will end with Daryl's.

There is no way I can sleep without talking to him privately. All the conversations after we reunited this morning were with the group and all I’d wanted to do was pull Daryl aside and just look him in the eyes again, rest my forehead to his, make him somehow understand how important he is to me. Make sure he understood the depths of meaning in my words. He knew I loved everyone in our family. And I didn’t want my declaration of love to be confused with that. I _love_ Daryl. I am _in love_ with Daryl. And there is no time like the present to tell him with a little more conviction than quietly whispered words. It is dark enough out that I can only really see Daryl’s silhouette because I haven't taken my eyes off him since before nightfall.

I check my watch. Sasha won’t be out to relieve him for another hour. And sleep is so far out of my grasp that it isn’t worth reaching for. I slip out of bed, tiptoe down the stairs and quietly leave the Barrington House heading for the ladder to the gate tower. I notice Daryl tilt his head as I get close. He hears me. Doesn’t need to look because he knows the sound of my footsteps. I climb up and lean against the half-wall next to him looking out over the forest below. Neither of us say a word for a long while and that’s not unusual. I enjoy just knowing he’s by my side again. 

“Ain’t you tired?” he finally asks me.

“Can’t sleep,” I answer. And when I realize he isn’t going to say anything back, I continue. “Just… I just missed you so damn much, Daryl. I don’t wanna… don’t want to be laying alone in an empty room when I can be here under the stars with you like the old days.”

He chuckles. “Like the prison.”

I nod. It _is_ like the prison but it isn’t just the _possibility_ of trouble ahead of us, not knowing the Governor’s whereabouts. It’s guaranteed war ahead of us and I’m not willing to risk another separation without feeling Daryl’s lips against mine, without holding him close again, not just to welcome him back, but to let him know what’s in my heart.

“I meant what I whispered to you earlier,” I say quietly.

“I know,” he answers, keeping his eyes out on the dark horizon.

“Not sure you do. It isn’t like the way I love all our family. It’s you, Daryl. I’m in love with you,” I confess softly. His eyes dart over to me and he gives a quick nod that I read as Dixon for “I’m in love with you, too.”

“I don’t want any more days to go by without… like… hugging you again. Feeling you against me and having you know how I feel.”

“Don’t yah usually like girls, Rick?” he asks nibbling on a thumbnail. “Don’t yah like Michonne?”

“You know that’s cooled off with her-”

“Why?” he interrupts. “Why’d it cool off with her?”

“She told me that she could tell you and I were in love with each other and she didn’t want to stand in the way,” I answer honestly.

“But you ain’t gay,” he says, blinking his eyes in confusion.

“I don’t know what to tell you. I can’t control how I’m feeling. And I don’t think you can either.”

He looks over at the horizon again working on that nail. How he even had any nails left was beyond me.

“Daryl, I feel like you already know that I’m in love with you. We _read_ each other, always have. You don’t have much confidence in yourself and you don’t know your worth but you know _me_. When did you see it? When did you first suspect that I was falling in love with you?”

“When Andrea shot me,” he answers instantly, like he’s given it a lot of thought over the years. “Sound of your scream, look in your eyes. Guess that's when I thought you cared about me more than anyone I ever had in my life.” He paused, still not looking directly at me. “You gonna tell me when you started thinkin’ I was…” he trails off the question, clearly still too shy and awkward to use words for what we’re discussing. I smile at him because his shyness is adorable. A man who can take out five walkers at once, who can feed a prison full of people with his hunting expertise, who is not afraid to risk his own life for others yet he is so humble and sweet and… just fucking adorable.

“When you offered your life on that road with the claimers,” I answer back just as easily. “Saw it in _your_ eyes.

He smiles shyly and shook his head. “Actually realized my feelin’s before that. When I was leaving with Merle from the prison. Came back cause you always been better to me than Merle and I only needed a little time with him alone to remember that.” He pauses for a moment and starts biting at a nail again. “That’s what I told myself mostly...that you been better to me. But I… seen that look in your eyes when I walked off with him and I… wanted to see it again. Ain’t no one never looked at me like that before. Knew I wanted to take anything you’d give me.”

He flicks his eyes back over to mine nervously after he’s done talking and I just look at him the way I know he remembers it - open, full of confession, full of all-consuming love. I step closer to him and run my fingers through his stringy hair so I can see him better. 

“You gonna kiss me, Rick?” he asks, his voice soft and shaky. I’m close enough that I can almost hear his heart hammering against his chest, his breath speeding up.

“Was thinking about it. That be okay?” I ask, wanting to be sure I had his complete consent. I know enough about Daryl to know lots of things have been done to him without his consent and I will never cross that line. I will never hurt this man in any way, shape or form. 

He nods, eyes down at my shoes and he pulls his thumbnail away from his lips, squeezing his eyes shut as I lean in closer and wrap my arms around him. “Relax. It’s just me,” I whisper as I press my lips to his. His lips are soft and meek and they follow my lead like he, himself always follows _my_ lead. When I pull away his eyes are still squeezed shut like he was doing something shameful he shouldn’t be watching.

“Are you afraid of this, Daryl? What we have, what we want? I’m not gonna push you for anything more than you want to give.”

With his eyes still squeezed shut he licks his lips and softly responds. “Didn’t never have nothin’ like this before.”

“With a guy?” I ask because suddenly it dawns on me that maybe there’s more to his nerves than just falling for a man.

“With anyone,” he answers, eyes still screwed closed.

“Daryl,” I say, with a hand on his cheek, “Open your eyes. Please.” When he does, it’s like a tidal wave of blue ocean waves in the dim light. “Am I pushing too hard? Going too far?”

“Yes,” he starts to say then shakes his head. “No. I mean no. Not enough.” And he squeezes those gorgeous eyes closed again, puts his hands gently on both sides of my face and kisses me. This time more nimble and assertive. It’s both give and take at the same time. We pull one another close so our bodies are pressed tight together, warm and tingly. Both of us obviously hard. After we pull apart from the passionate, vigorous kiss, he starts to undo his pants. 

I laugh softly at his sudden eagerness and he stops and looks up at me as if he were ashamed. 

“No, don’t look at me like that, Darlin’. Just… cute that you were so nervous a minute ago and now so eager. We got time-”

“You don’t know that,” he interrupts with passion, fierce blue eyes narrowing at me. “We’re going to war. _Tomorrow_.” He squeezes his eyes shut as he continues. “I want to know everything with you. I want…” He doesn’t finish his sentence but instead combs his fingers into my curls and kisses me again. This time it was a hungry kiss, bites to my bottom lip and the sound of his “mmmm’s” and his tongue licking into my mouth. His hands are on their way from my hair down my back to my ass when we hear the sound of footsteps on the ladder and pull apart.

Sasha climbs onto the landing and just looks at us with her head cocked and her arms crossed. “Looks like I got here just in time,” she says with a smirk as Daryl and I try not to act like we’re still panting, hoping our kiss-swollen lips don’t give us away, but knowing full well we were caught.

“I couldn’t sleep,” I answer.

“Mmmhmm,” she responds with little conviction. “Why don’t you two go get some rest,” she says air-quoting ‘get some rest’. Daryl scrambles down the ladder without a response and I take a last look at Sasha trying to figure out a way to explain.

“Oh for shit’s sake, Rick. You don’t gotta explain anything. Christ, we all known you two been in love forever. In fact, you two were the only ones not in on it yet. Go on, now. We got war in the morning so make the most of it,” she winks. “Hard to tell when we’ll have peace again to take advantage of nice things.”

I nod and descend the ladder wondering exactly how this is going to go down since neither of us technically had any experience being gay. But we’ve figured out how to get through much more complicated things, and I’m sure together we’ll manage just fine.


	4. Chapter Four- Daryl POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to Stylepoints for the beta and guidance on this one!
> 
> Here comes the emotional smut!

I wait at the bottom of the ladder for Rick. I ain’t gonna stop this thing if we done started it and I ain’t as scared as I thought I’d be. Just more eager and antsy and needy. Never felt that kinda shit before. Never wanted no hands on me. Never thought much ‘bout nobody’s lips, but I been thinkin’ ‘bout Rick’s for a while now and I was right ‘bout everythin’. They were soft and biteable and gentle and giving and warm.

When he gets to the bottom of the ladder he grabs my hand and drags me towards Barrington House. He didn’t need to. I’m gonna follow him like I always follow him. I’m gonna take whatever he’ll give me. But this time, I’m willing to ask for what I want, too. And Christ, I want it all.

He drags me up the steps to the second floor of the old mansion looking back at me occasionally with that beautiful smile of his, the one that none of us see often enough. He’s so beautiful, so strong, so confident. When he finally stops at a door, he opens it to reveal a luxurious bedroom.

“Christ, _this_ is the apocalypse!?” I say in surprise as I look around at the long, velvety, pine green curtains, the fireplace and the four poster bed. The whole room was ornately decorated like we was in the King’s bedroom in a fancy castle.

“Was Gregory’s,” he explains. “Mine now since I killed him this morning.” 

I nod remembering.

“It probably makes me a horrible person that I can barely remember why I did it, but there didn't seem to be any disappointment over it in the community so I guess what’s done is done.”

He sits down nervously on the bed which is funny cause I ain’t seen him nervous like this very often. I look at him for a moment and I easily remember why he killed Gregory. It was shortly after that hug when we all went in to chat and Gregory stopped me and said I needed to clean off my shoes before I came in so’s I didn’t get mud on the floor. That was it. Rick turned around, pulled his knife and slit Gregory’s throat. “There,” he’d said, “it won’t be as noticeable with all the blood on the carpet. Come on, Daryl.”

I’d looked at Jesus and he just shrugged. “Kinda been waiting for someone to do that,” he replied deadpanned. “Surprised it took this long.” We both looked at Rick who had barely paused to acknowledge the kill. “Not surprised it was Rick who did it, though,” Jesus finished.

At the memory I become more eager to give myself to him and I stalk towards him like predator on prey, kissing him as I climb over him, pushing him down onto the soft comforter of the enormous bed. I pluck kisses against his lips and murmur words that ain't really complete sentences but get the point across. “More. Everything. Please. Show me.”

His hands roam over my back and cup at my ass and the feel of those intimate touches gives me shivers. It’s been years coming between us. And I regret every day I didn’t confess my love to him sooner. What if tomorrow was really the end? What if tomorrow was MY apocalypse? Not all of us can survive a war. Maybe it’s my last days. Maybe it’s Rick’s. It makes all of this so much more urgent for me. I pull my shirt off not even worryin’ over the scars. Rick done seen ‘em plenty. He never asks but he knows what they mean and he don’t judge me none over them.

He squirms out of his shirt too and I hug tight to him, kissing his neck and his earlobe, running my hands through his curls and feeling the warmth of his bare chest against my own. It’s the most amazing feeling, flesh against flesh. How could I never have wanted this before? But I knew the answer. It was Rick. Rick only. I never wanted no one else’s heart poundin’ this close to my own, no one else’s skin sweat-slick against me. Just Rick’s. That’s why I didn’t never want no one else. None of them girls Merle always brought over. No one from high school. I didn’t want no one because I hadn’t met Rick yet. And he’s what I’ve been waiting for.

His hands on me are like fire, heat trailing with each finger that drifts across my skin. More, I want so much more. Want an intimacy with him that he ain’t gonna share with no one else but me. Want him to be mine and I want to be his. His lips and tongue were aggressively latching onto my own and I was certain both our mouths must be kiss-swollen. I reach down and fumble with the belt and zipper of his jeans. I ain’t very coordinated with things like this since I ain’t never done it before but Rick knows that and he gently pushes me up, stands in front of me and takes them off himself. “You sure?” he asks softly. 

I nod eagerly and start takin’ off my own jeans and kicking off my shoes. “Don’t know fuck-all what to do, though,” I say once I was naked and shaking a bit from the cool air against my bare skin. 

“That makes two of us. You don’t have the same parts that I’m used to,” he laughs.

I frown at that. Does he love me but not my parts? Is it hard for him to have his body against mine? Does he even want to be intimate? Was that why he was trying to stop me from wanting it all?

“Hey,” he says, snapping me out of my own mind. He puts his hands softly on each side of my face and kisses my lips again real gentle. “Don’t look so worried. I want all your parts. I love everything about you, every thought in your head, every look in your eyes, every smile and every scowl and every inch of your body.”

“Okay,” I answer, biting at a thumbnail and squeezing my eyes shut again. Closing my eyes was becoming a habit when I was a little embarrassed ‘bout what was going on in my head. “I… I ain’t never… so can you be… like the one who… leads?” Hell _I_ barely even know what I’m asking for. Don’t know how I expected Rick to decipher it. But he did. Cause he knows me better than I know myself. 

He walks over to the bathroom and I listen as he shuffles through drawers. When he returns he has a small jar of petroleum jelly from a first aid kit and that’s when I know it’s all actually happening. I made the unfortunate mistake once, of asking Aaron and Eric too many questions over spaghetti one night while I was a little tipsy and I was probably thinking about Rick like I often was by that point. Thanks to that awkward conversation, I at least know the gist of how this is going to work.

“This is for-”

“I know,” I interrupt. “I’m ready,” I say as I get up on my hands and knees on the bed. I feel so vulnerable, so bare, but this is Rick and I’ll give him anything, and I’ll take anything from him.

He runs a hand down my back. “Not like this, I want to see you,” he whispers as he kisses a shoulder blade and moves me gently onto my back. “Want to watch your eyes as I become part of you.”

I ain’t good at talkin’ all romantic like Rick is so I just give him a nod. He knows all the words and feelin’s and thoughts behind it. He knows me, he reads me. He wants me.

He kisses me for a while, all tender and soft, bare bodies touching from lips to toes as we lay in the giant bed, hands exploring and bodies writhing. I know him. I read him. And I know he’s nervous to move forward. I take one of his hands and move it down to my bare ass and grab the vaseline he had set on the bed and shove it into his other hand. “I’m ready,” I told him with a firm look- half nervously encouraging him and half deliriously desperate for a feeling that I’d never had before. Don’t even know if I’ll like it. But it was Rick and I want everything. I want to _be_ everything for him.

He doesn’t take his eyes off me as he opens the jar and slicks up his fingers. As he slid a finger between the cheeks of my ass, I squeeze my eyes shut. 

“Are you o-” 

I nod my head before Rick could finish the question and I open my eyes and meet his gaze. “I want you,” I say with absolute certainty.

He slowly circles his finger around the rim of my entrance, a sensation I've never felt before. It makes me tense and nervous at the same time that it makes me dizzy with an overload of an unfamiliar feeling… Maybe lust? Maybe want? Maybe desire? Whatever it is, no one but Rick has ever given it to me.

“Tell me to stop if you don't like how it feels, okay?” Rick asks me softly. I nod. But I know there ain't nothin’ gonna make me ask him to stop bein’ with me. If sex hurts, I'll take it from Rick because I want him to have me and love me like I love him. I do know he loves me… on one level. But I want all the levels, all his love, everything that comes with it.

“Relax,” he whispers as he starts to press in a slick finger. It was a strange sensation, incredibly intimate, trusting and my eyes squeeze shut again. 

“I can stop-”

“No! More,” I moan as I push myself down on his hesitant finger. I feel the strange intrusion get thicker as he presses in another finger. I’m so fucking eager for him to thrust into me with his cock, to connect us in a physical way that mimics the way we are emotionally connected. 

“Ready,” I whisper breathlessly. “Want you to fuck me. Please, Rick. ‘M ready.”

He slips his fingers out and leans over to kiss me gently on lips and whisper that he loves me ‘gainst my ear. “I’ll go slow,” he says as I feel him line up the thick head of his cock against my entrance. I nod my reassurance that I’m ready and fight to keep my eyes open so I can watch his face. His cock opening me wide was an unusual feeling, a little awkward, but not totally unpleasant. He sinks in slowly for what feels like hours before he’s fully inside me. He’s _inside_ me. In my heart, in my mind and now… finally… in my body. I am his completely. 

“Let me know if it’s okay to move. You okay?”

I nod, a little delirious. “You’re inside me,” I smiled weakly.

“I am. Do you like it?”

“Yeah. Like being connected like this. Being connected every way there is. Ain’t never wanted it before, but now I ain’t gonna be happy ‘less I get you some more and we ain’t even done yet,” I laugh, a little breathless with excitement for what’s next to come. 

I’m not an expert masturbator, but I know what a decent orgasm feels like. I probably don’t do it to myself as often as most people and never really fantasized about anything specific other than emptying my cock because it was uncomfortable. Sometimes it would feel good, but I already had a suspicion that this was going to be something monumental. 

He starts moving, pulling away slowly and pushing all the way back in gently and my mind becomes 100% void of anything but Rick. My Rick. He’s been my Rick for years and now this is everything. This is love and friendship and comfort and touch and warmth and… and everything. He wraps his hand around my cock and strokes it with his slippery palm while he thrusts himself inside me and I throw my head back and groan, not even sparing a thought for who was sleeping in the other bedrooms nearby. There are sparks inside me going off like fireworks and it feels like the last few before the giant fourth of July finale. 

“Daryl, Christ. I missed you so fucking much. I need you. I want you to be with me like this forever. Don’t ever want you apart from me again,” Rick murmurs as our bodies move together. Now it ain’t just our words and our eyes that communicate so completely in sync, our whole bodies communicate now too. There’s a fire building in my belly and I fight to keep my eyes open and on Rick’s plump lips, his blown-wide eyes, the hair on his strong chest, his hands grabbing onto my hip and my swollen, leaking cock. 

His heavy breaths turn into grunts and whimpers and whispers of my name and the sound of my name on his tongue makes my insides burst as I come in long jets on my own chest, my whole body warm with thoughts of Rick being mine in every way. He came right afterwards with quiet gasps and he shivers above me before he slips himself out and climbs on the bed to rest his head on my chest. 

I run fingers through his hair, twisting them into his curls and letting them fall loose from my hands as he dabs a finger into the come on my chest like he’s drawing pictures with it. I feel some of his seed leak out of me and it makes me sad like he’s somehow slipping through my fingers. After all this time, he’s mine. But will he still be mine tomorrow? Will he be _alive_ to be mine tomorrow? Would I be?

“I know what you’re thinking,” he whispers as he lays against me. “Tomorrow we fight. But we have more now than ever to live for. We’ll get through it and we’ll survive. And when things are settled and we can sleep peacefully behind safe walls again…” 

He sits up and looks down at me making sure his eyes are on mine as he speaks. “We’ll be together. We will take advantage of every quiet moment we have with one another. And I don’t care who knows what we have, so I hope you aren’t going to want to hide any of this.”

“Rick, I ain’t gonna be able to hide this shit if I tried. Ain’t gonna be able to walk away without tasting your lips before I go and I don’t give a shit if people’s watchin’ or not.”

He smiled at me and kissed me again on the lips, slow and sensual. “I love you,” he whispers. “I hope you know how much.”

And I do. I do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I'm hard at work on several new fics!

**Author's Note:**

> Working on several other project:
> 
> First On The Scene- is a non-zombie AU where Rick is first on the scene after Daryl calls 911 because his brother overdosed. They become friends. And you can probably guess what else happens. Will have a "Blooms Among the Dead" kinda vibe because Shane is also recently deceased. 
> 
> As yet Untitled- Non-zombie AU where the boys are in their late teens and meet and fall in love in a psychiatric hospital. 
> 
> PTSD/Vietnam fic- I swear- before I die, I will finish this one!


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